Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
