i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
