she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
