We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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