Well douche your snatch and let's go!
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's blow job season.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
