I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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