he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
