I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
