My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
