How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
