Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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