For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
