I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
