Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
