he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
