I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
