Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
