I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
