God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
