I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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