is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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