I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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