sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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