Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
