Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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