I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
