I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
