I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
