It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
