she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
