But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
