i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Randomize
