i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize