You're so nebulous sometimes
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
