When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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