I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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