I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
