im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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