Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
