He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
