don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I want you more than these girls want KFC
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
