Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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