i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
