Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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