So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
