if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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