"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
