The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
