Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
