I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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