you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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